Sometimes You Want to Go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

An ancient saguaro cactus - As tall as a house!

In the shade of a prickly pear cactus

Steve and I are never bored. Whether we are doing something on our own or doing an activity together, we never run out of things we like to do. But I need to call “home” to each of my children now and then and we plan times with family and friends on our way around the country because of our need for contact with those we love and because we still need community. I have been thinking about the universal need to belong to a “community”. And many of our recent experiences make the importance of community more vivid.

One example is a recent RV park we visited. We spent 9 days at the Rincon Country West RV Resort in Tucson, Arizona. It was like no other RV park we have seen. There are 1100 sites at this park and over half of the sites are what they call “Park Models” which are permanent homes about the size of a double wide trailer. These all have carports and porches/covered patios and landscaping. They are either owned or rented. There are places for RV’s to park between some of the park models but most RVs are segregated in long rows.

What made this park so unique was that it was for ages 55 and over and there are many activities and amenities that we had not seen in other parks. There are rooms for playing board and card games, there is a lapidary (for jewelry making), a pottery workshop, a wood workshop area, a large library where you can just take and return books without any limits, a sewing area, and a large swimming pool. There are activities one can choose from every day like yoga, water aerobics, Bible studies, biking clubs, line dancing, and “how to” classes. There are movies and musical events. We just missed the annual quilt show! We went to see a comedian one night -laughed until we cried - and enjoyed a park talent show another night.

Most people are coming there from colder parts of the country and stay at this park for 3-5 months every year. We were impressed with the fact that every evening there are small groups of neighbors sitting outside together chatting for hours and small groups of walkers, bikers, hikers every day. Everyone was so friendly. One day we had some repairs and maintenance done to the RV. When it was ready to pick it up, I dropped off Steve and returned back to our site with the car to await Steve and the RV. It was a hot day and my choices were to sit in the car with the AC running or sit on one of our chairs outside. I got my book and turned the chair away from the sun sitting there waiting for my “home” to return. The couple next to us noticed and invited me to share their shade and brought me ice cold water. We were just starting to get acquainted when Steve returned. How kind they had been!

We made some super special friends in Haiti within only one or two weeks who we still stay in contact with. But typically it takes more than a week to establish a good friendship. We started to think about how nice it would be to meet and get to know people for more than just a few days like we have been doing for the last year. We know there are people who are our “forever” friends back home in Virginia and the lovely friends we have made in Haiti, but it would be great to make new good friends. And that takes time. More time than just a week or two at a time like we have been doing. So maybe we will come back next year and enjoy the weather and new friends for a few months. There are other places like this in the U.S. But maybe we have found our “community” for next winter.

While in Tucson we visited with my niece, Julie. She came here from Ohio with a roommate 5 years ago for the adventure and the warm weather. The roommate had a change of school plans and went back to Ohio. But Julie had found “community” with a church in Tucson and liked her job. She moved to a better house and a new roommate to share the rent. “Community” – again.

Near Tucson is the Saguaro National Park (pronounced “sa war o”) and the Sonoran Desert Museum. Saguaro cacti are the large tall cacti that grow only in the Sonoran Desert - which stretches over Arizona, Southern California and Northern Mexico. We saw miles and miles of them. What is amazing is how slow they grow.  At 5 years they are about 3 inches high, at 10 years they are about 6 inches high and at 15 years they may reach 12 inches. So the biggest are maybe a hundred years old or more. They do not even start getting arms until they are 70-75 years old! They are full of water so the big ones may weigh 5-6 tons!

A family of saguaros

Acres and acres of saguarros

Taken through a window but it shows how slowly Saguaros grow. 5, 10, and 15 years old.

One thing I found interesting was that Native Americans here in the desert believe the Saguaro cacti are their ancestors who have come back to watch over them. They feel surrounded by their ancestors and feel their support and love when they look out at the landscape. "So great a crowd of witnesses..." You can see why they feel “community” here in this land, see the saguaro as sacred, and find harming or destroying saguaro offensive. The greatest danger to the saguaro is climate change and the spread of houses and businesses.

Acres and acres of saguarros

We loved the Sonoran Desert Museum. Who knew such beautiful gardens could be created with just cacti and rocks. There was a hummingbird sanctuary there where we could see why they are important for fertilization and pollinating many species of plants.

We have been impressed with the need for bats, and bees, and birds for the survival of our food supply. We need their communities.

Blooms in the desert

Yellow saguaro

Another kind of cactus

I have been watching the Israeli series on Netflix called “Shtisel”. It follows members of an Orthodox Jewish family in Jerusalem and has in it the good and bad of living in a close community. It reminded me of what very religious communities have in common: 1) a strong belief system that guides all decisions and daily activities (prayer before meals, touching the door and then one’s lips going in and out, wearing hair and hats and clothing a certain way- the Orthodox Jew prays before every glass of water and every snack!) 2) the desire of the elders to pass on the faith and belief system to their children and grandchildren,  3) the strong pull of community that keeps people from moving away, from leaving marriages, from following their dreams, and 4) the assurance that when one leaves this life, one will be missed, mourned, and celebrated. I think of a documentary telling of Amish who left their community but returned because loss of the family and community where they grew up was too agonizing. I know that loss of community is what I feared most when facing divorce and that some losses of community were extremely painful.

Recently a woman who lives full-time in an RV posted on Facebook that she was tired of being lonely. Many people reached out to her suggesting she find a church, a hobby where she meets other people, take a class, learn a new skill or move to a new place. My guess is that moving will not solve her problem of loneliness. Probably most people live where they do because of the community they have found there and the feeling of belonging they get from being there. There are people who have never found community. That is be one of the saddest things I can think of.

CHEERS theme song-

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you got
Taking a break from all your worries
It sure would help a lot
Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they're always glad you came
You want to be where you can see
The troubles are all the same

You want to be where everybody knows your name

You want to go where people know
The people are all the same
You want to go where everybody knows your name

Songwriters: Gary Portnoy / Judy Hart

I finished binding the quilt. Now to decide what to do with it...